Spring Is In The Air
Try not to be jealous that you missed out on all this:
EMU LOVIN'
Our emu, Emu, has not had a mate in several years, a condition I can sympathize with. Emu decided today that he was going to solve the problem for both of us, and attempted to climb the fence while flashing his dude danglies at me. Fortunately, emu brains aren't very large, and Emu couldn't seem to figure out that getting over the fence would require more than just inserting his claws into the chainlink- perhaps maybe... flapping his wings ?
PUTTIN' THE DAMAGE ON
G, who usually manhandles any male coming within 5 feet of me, was disinterested in my feathered paramour, choosing instead to watch some asshole beat his wife across the street from us. After cheering on a concerned citizen who pulled his car over and proceeded to attack Wifebeater with a stick, Scuzie called the cops. Being the more enterprising type, Mace called all the classrooms on the west side of the campus so they could watch the arrest.
WHEN ANIMALS (DON'T) ATTACK
A pit bull wandered onto campus yesterday, causing understandable concern. Adolph locked down the parking area to keep the dog contained until Animal Control could mosey on by and remove him, and also locked out Marv, who'd been puffing on a cancer stick in front of Wifebeater's house. Marv was in no hurry to return to our class and get slapped around by a shrieking Triple-A, so he got comfortable and philisophically sucked on another coffin nail while we all wondered where the hell he was for 20 minutes. Paulette knew we would never see Animal Control in her lifetime, so she instructed Adolph to open the gate and let Killer go. Before making his dash for freedom, the pit bull stopped next to Marv and licked him profusely, just like Triple-A had been doing all morning.
G WIGS OUT
LoB has an amazing amount of hair for a guy in his 60s, and takes a lot of good-natured ribbing from me regarding his supposedly being a Hair Club member. To prove to me that his hair was the real deal and not a rug or plugs, LoB tugged on his strands dramatically and made horrible faces for added effect.
LoB's acting scared the hell out of G, who let out a bellow that would have made Chewbacca run for cover, then bit his left hand several times until LoB stopped his antics and sat in slack-jawed amazement watching him. LoB felt really bad, but Alan thought G's breakdown was hilarious and cackled until G grabbed one of Alan's beloved church newsletters and ripped the cover off in retaliation. Alan sulked and gave G decidedly unchristian looks for the rest of the period, while Triple-A treated us to a litany of "ANDY ANDY ANDY OH ANDY OH BOY" and Room 10's occupants banged on the wall in an attempt to shut him up.
HOW I SPENT MY SATURDAY:
1. Sweating- the landlord still hasn't replaced the air conditioner, and probably won't attempt to until every Home Depot in the U.S. is sold out of them.
2. Peeling decals off of shelving at Target- Richard had a Queer Eye moment and decorated the CD isle with Cars stickers.
3. Trying not to puke at the sight of Toni's bloody eyeball- she pried it opened during lunch, and now Richard thinks she's the coolest old lady ever.
4. Scrolling through an anti-fan site for Ioan Gruffudd, aka Mr. Blandtastic- fans didn't take kindly to his crazy beard wife's obnoxious treatment of them on another fansite, so they started nomore4ioan in retaliation.
5. Exchanging jibes with another Benmont fan on Youtube- I 'd rather read the comments than watch most of the videos.
6. Wondering if Shari has blown me off or is just recovering from being used as a trampoline by Banjo and Trevor
7. Typing this so I won't have to answer "what's been happening ?" a billion times.
So, what's been happening ?
EMU LOVIN'
Our emu, Emu, has not had a mate in several years, a condition I can sympathize with. Emu decided today that he was going to solve the problem for both of us, and attempted to climb the fence while flashing his dude danglies at me. Fortunately, emu brains aren't very large, and Emu couldn't seem to figure out that getting over the fence would require more than just inserting his claws into the chainlink- perhaps maybe... flapping his wings ?
PUTTIN' THE DAMAGE ON
G, who usually manhandles any male coming within 5 feet of me, was disinterested in my feathered paramour, choosing instead to watch some asshole beat his wife across the street from us. After cheering on a concerned citizen who pulled his car over and proceeded to attack Wifebeater with a stick, Scuzie called the cops. Being the more enterprising type, Mace called all the classrooms on the west side of the campus so they could watch the arrest.
WHEN ANIMALS (DON'T) ATTACK
A pit bull wandered onto campus yesterday, causing understandable concern. Adolph locked down the parking area to keep the dog contained until Animal Control could mosey on by and remove him, and also locked out Marv, who'd been puffing on a cancer stick in front of Wifebeater's house. Marv was in no hurry to return to our class and get slapped around by a shrieking Triple-A, so he got comfortable and philisophically sucked on another coffin nail while we all wondered where the hell he was for 20 minutes. Paulette knew we would never see Animal Control in her lifetime, so she instructed Adolph to open the gate and let Killer go. Before making his dash for freedom, the pit bull stopped next to Marv and licked him profusely, just like Triple-A had been doing all morning.
G WIGS OUT
LoB has an amazing amount of hair for a guy in his 60s, and takes a lot of good-natured ribbing from me regarding his supposedly being a Hair Club member. To prove to me that his hair was the real deal and not a rug or plugs, LoB tugged on his strands dramatically and made horrible faces for added effect.
LoB's acting scared the hell out of G, who let out a bellow that would have made Chewbacca run for cover, then bit his left hand several times until LoB stopped his antics and sat in slack-jawed amazement watching him. LoB felt really bad, but Alan thought G's breakdown was hilarious and cackled until G grabbed one of Alan's beloved church newsletters and ripped the cover off in retaliation. Alan sulked and gave G decidedly unchristian looks for the rest of the period, while Triple-A treated us to a litany of "ANDY ANDY ANDY OH ANDY OH BOY" and Room 10's occupants banged on the wall in an attempt to shut him up.
HOW I SPENT MY SATURDAY:
1. Sweating- the landlord still hasn't replaced the air conditioner, and probably won't attempt to until every Home Depot in the U.S. is sold out of them.
2. Peeling decals off of shelving at Target- Richard had a Queer Eye moment and decorated the CD isle with Cars stickers.
3. Trying not to puke at the sight of Toni's bloody eyeball- she pried it opened during lunch, and now Richard thinks she's the coolest old lady ever.
4. Scrolling through an anti-fan site for Ioan Gruffudd, aka Mr. Blandtastic- fans didn't take kindly to his crazy beard wife's obnoxious treatment of them on another fansite, so they started nomore4ioan in retaliation.
5. Exchanging jibes with another Benmont fan on Youtube- I 'd rather read the comments than watch most of the videos.
6. Wondering if Shari has blown me off or is just recovering from being used as a trampoline by Banjo and Trevor
7. Typing this so I won't have to answer "what's been happening ?" a billion times.
So, what's been happening ?
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 8:52 PM
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