Yowza, Yowza, Yowza !
Fun was had by all this week !
RAH RAH RAH ! SIS BOOM BAH !
LoB, a former Broadway actor and current voice-over maestro, took over AJ's spot as the fearless leader of Room 13. Because his vocal talents are well-known on campus, he was asked to be the announcer for Friday's basketball game, and left me seated in the bleachers with the kids as he tried to find something encouraging to say about our junior varsity team (and called the baskets "fieldgoals").
It was quite balmy at 11 a.m. on the unshaded blacktop, but due to the sub-arctic temperature in our classroom year-round, I'd come dressed in 3 layers of black clothing and was an even unhappier camper than usual. Triple-A was also miserable and protested the inhumane conditions by licking my arm and leaving several coats of malodorous drool on it, by attempting to insert his drippy hand into my v-neck, and by eating a pompom that had been left behind as the cheerleaders fled a female classmate who was attempting to put her hands up their skirts. Suprisingly, we actually won for a change, scoring two "fieldgoals" in the last minute of play- Go, Lions !
SPEAKING OF TEAM PLAYERS...
Jai ordered LoB to give up 10 minutes of his lunch break and return to unlock the classroom, so Jai and G can sneak out of students' lunch even earlier than they already do. Not content with the 50-minute lunch he already sneaks, Jai was hoping he could bag a full hour to wolf down his kimchee, but was foiled by my advising LoB that AJ never put up with that kind of horsecrap and neither should he. Jai spent the rest of the week muttering at me under his cabbagey breath, and I'm expecting a Kato-like ambush from him any day now...
DEAR PENTHOUSE FORUM:
Spring is apparently already in the air, as evidenced by Lucifer mounting anybody, anytime, anywhere. Observing Lucifer's desperate attempts to copulate with Francesca, who showed no response beyond her usual disinterested stare, The Irritable Texan quipped, "Now you know what it's like to be married !"
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
Friday's PE class was extremely entertaining for me, as I watched Lawdy and Shoe argue for 10 minutes over whether he should have mentioned this is a bad time to sell her house. Shoe, like many devouring mothers, cannot handle that the parasitic bond with her fleeing daughter has become fragile, and is in a hurry to sell so she can go to Atlanta and surgically reattach herself to said daughter ASAP. The debate ended with Shoe's trademark screeching and caused Soshie to start crying, because she has a crush on Lawdy and didn't want Sue to make good on her very imaginative death threats.
BATTY MOMS, PART 2
Whenever Lez sees me or any other non-believer trying to sneak past her, she immediately inserts the word "Christian" 15 times into whatever inane statement she's in the middle of, lest we forget her religious affiliation for even a second. While yapping on her cell phone about how she had not slept for 3 nights because she hadn't been taking her "pill" and therefore wasn't able to pump as much breast milk as usual, Lez spotted me out of the corner of her feverish eye and launched into: "Mom, remember how when I started my Christian theology class, you told me that Satan would probably attack me ? Uh huh, and Jose said the same thing- I can't pump because the Devil is waging spiritual warfare against me ! The Devil is attacking my breastmilk !"
Wow ! How important are you if Satan has your breastpump on his "To Do" list ? Another coworker (also a Chrisitan, but thinks Lez is a bi-polar nutjob who's persecution complex evidences an insatiable need to feel special) spotted us and locked the connecting door between our rooms before I could escape through it. Luckily, I'd taken MY pill that morning (extra-strength Midol), but LoB does not have a uterus, so he had to endure Lez's ramblings without the cushion of a drug-induced state. As I've always said, the "special" in special ed. doesn't refer to just the students...
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WON'T DO THAT
A much-needed public service announcement, regarding items I refuse to carry for anyone over the age of 2, because I am not your lazy brat's personal slave:
- backpacks
- jackets
- umbrellas
- diapers (nice try, G)
- wallets
- snow cones
- french fries
- anything, ever
Children won't learn to tolerate discomfort if you never require them to endure any. If it's too heavy for your strapping young lad of 10 years to carry, it's too heavy for me to carry- got it ? If you honestly think I'm going to drag Little Lord Fauntleroy's belongings around like some pack-mule, the least you could do is supply me with a turbo forklift, decked out with rims, fuzzy dice and racing stripes. That would be sweet...
RAH RAH RAH ! SIS BOOM BAH !
LoB, a former Broadway actor and current voice-over maestro, took over AJ's spot as the fearless leader of Room 13. Because his vocal talents are well-known on campus, he was asked to be the announcer for Friday's basketball game, and left me seated in the bleachers with the kids as he tried to find something encouraging to say about our junior varsity team (and called the baskets "fieldgoals").
It was quite balmy at 11 a.m. on the unshaded blacktop, but due to the sub-arctic temperature in our classroom year-round, I'd come dressed in 3 layers of black clothing and was an even unhappier camper than usual. Triple-A was also miserable and protested the inhumane conditions by licking my arm and leaving several coats of malodorous drool on it, by attempting to insert his drippy hand into my v-neck, and by eating a pompom that had been left behind as the cheerleaders fled a female classmate who was attempting to put her hands up their skirts. Suprisingly, we actually won for a change, scoring two "fieldgoals" in the last minute of play- Go, Lions !
SPEAKING OF TEAM PLAYERS...
Jai ordered LoB to give up 10 minutes of his lunch break and return to unlock the classroom, so Jai and G can sneak out of students' lunch even earlier than they already do. Not content with the 50-minute lunch he already sneaks, Jai was hoping he could bag a full hour to wolf down his kimchee, but was foiled by my advising LoB that AJ never put up with that kind of horsecrap and neither should he. Jai spent the rest of the week muttering at me under his cabbagey breath, and I'm expecting a Kato-like ambush from him any day now...
DEAR PENTHOUSE FORUM:
Spring is apparently already in the air, as evidenced by Lucifer mounting anybody, anytime, anywhere. Observing Lucifer's desperate attempts to copulate with Francesca, who showed no response beyond her usual disinterested stare, The Irritable Texan quipped, "Now you know what it's like to be married !"
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
Friday's PE class was extremely entertaining for me, as I watched Lawdy and Shoe argue for 10 minutes over whether he should have mentioned this is a bad time to sell her house. Shoe, like many devouring mothers, cannot handle that the parasitic bond with her fleeing daughter has become fragile, and is in a hurry to sell so she can go to Atlanta and surgically reattach herself to said daughter ASAP. The debate ended with Shoe's trademark screeching and caused Soshie to start crying, because she has a crush on Lawdy and didn't want Sue to make good on her very imaginative death threats.
BATTY MOMS, PART 2
Whenever Lez sees me or any other non-believer trying to sneak past her, she immediately inserts the word "Christian" 15 times into whatever inane statement she's in the middle of, lest we forget her religious affiliation for even a second. While yapping on her cell phone about how she had not slept for 3 nights because she hadn't been taking her "pill" and therefore wasn't able to pump as much breast milk as usual, Lez spotted me out of the corner of her feverish eye and launched into: "Mom, remember how when I started my Christian theology class, you told me that Satan would probably attack me ? Uh huh, and Jose said the same thing- I can't pump because the Devil is waging spiritual warfare against me ! The Devil is attacking my breastmilk !"
Wow ! How important are you if Satan has your breastpump on his "To Do" list ? Another coworker (also a Chrisitan, but thinks Lez is a bi-polar nutjob who's persecution complex evidences an insatiable need to feel special) spotted us and locked the connecting door between our rooms before I could escape through it. Luckily, I'd taken MY pill that morning (extra-strength Midol), but LoB does not have a uterus, so he had to endure Lez's ramblings without the cushion of a drug-induced state. As I've always said, the "special" in special ed. doesn't refer to just the students...
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WON'T DO THAT
A much-needed public service announcement, regarding items I refuse to carry for anyone over the age of 2, because I am not your lazy brat's personal slave:
- backpacks
- jackets
- umbrellas
- diapers (nice try, G)
- wallets
- snow cones
- french fries
- anything, ever
Children won't learn to tolerate discomfort if you never require them to endure any. If it's too heavy for your strapping young lad of 10 years to carry, it's too heavy for me to carry- got it ? If you honestly think I'm going to drag Little Lord Fauntleroy's belongings around like some pack-mule, the least you could do is supply me with a turbo forklift, decked out with rims, fuzzy dice and racing stripes. That would be sweet...
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 7:34 PM
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