Riding The Storm Out
AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...
Sparkle Moonbeam is a frustrated actor who never made it big, which suprises me given her award-winning performance on Thursday morning. Her son, a coddled Down Syndrome adult who is perfectly capable of waiting for a ride by himself, called the classroom to whine because his Access van was late again. Moonbeam went medieval on Access and shouted at their dispatcher while simultaneously barking commands into her walkie talkie at her husband, who was trying to restrain some kid hell-bent on flashing the cafeteria ladies.
While LoB wrung his hands in sympathy, Sparkle wailed,"We feel so powerless- why is this happening to us ?!" I'd had enough of her histironics over a late van and decided to go make some copies. As I was walking out I heard her say,"Now I know what they mean when they say 'blinded by anger'. My vision is actually blurry !" Almost as blurry as that line between reality and batshit crazy, I'm guessing...
THAT EXPLAINS WHY THEY SENT A BOX OF DRAMAMINE WITH HIM
Oink, who'd been left behind while his class went on a field trip, visited our room this morning. In classic autistic fashion, Oink started rocking when the goofy morning music came on, eventually causing a nauseated LoB to remark,"I feel like I'm on a lifeboat watching him row."
"AN UTTER LOAD OF BULLSHIT."
That's what LoB said after I read him a few Youtube comments from his unbalanced fans. He hosted a kids' TV show in the 80's, but according to some fans he's actually Maurie Povitch now (and other such nonsense). I'm not sure if LoB was offended by being confused with Maurie or just responding to my latest complaint against him, which involved his friend Jean meddling in G's speech and behavior plans without any permission from the District or my agency.
Jean is famous in the autism community for her badly drawn velcro books, several of which are being drooled on at this very moment in a Scumrise classroom near you. Because Hippie Volunteer wasn't here this week to piss me off, Jean kindly filled in. When she wasn't talking to our teenagers in an annoying baby voice, she could be heard referring to school employees as "those people", and bragging about LoB's acting career as if it was her own. She also alternated between bossing me around and ignoring me, although I didn't mind the latter nearly as much as the former.
Jai had accurately sized Jean up as a royal pain in the ass and disappeared with The Big Guy for an hour and a half, thus missing Jean's flippant suggestion that he be gotten rid of because he's not doing enough with G, as if wiping G's hairy butt 4 times a day and getting kicked for his efforts does not constitute doing something. He also missed my yanking LoB into the hall and rebuking him for allowing Jai to be discussed like that in front of the other aides (and the kids). I made it clear to LoB that if he didn't keep his pushy friend away from me blood would soon be shed. Jean finally left to bother another school with her superiority complex and LoB gave me aggrieved attitude, until my boss arrived and politely ripped him a new one.
MR. BLANDTASTIC
Ioan Gruffudd- closet homosexual Pod or completely asexual Pod ? I'm still trying to figure it out, and had plenty of time to observe him while watching The Fantastic Bore- I mean Four- which was elevated from tedious to remotely interesting by the presence of my roommate's daughter. Chloe's not real discerning between drivel and quality entertainment, so her enthusiasm for Michael Chiklettes or whatever his name is was unrestrained and contagious.
I was more interested in the rubbery Dr. Reed, played by the previously mentioned eye-candy. All that time spent with his castrating girlfriend finally paid off- Ioan portrayed Dr. Reed's spinelessness with an aplomb that hinted at close personal experience. He and his beard*- I mean gal pal- have finally married, so I anticipate he'll totally rock in upcoming films featuring battered/dickless husbands with bipolar/borderline wives who make everyone around them miserable, just like his wife is reputed to do...
* beard- a female who marries a homosexual so everyone can pretend they don't already know he prefers beef to fish. You know, like Nicole reputedly did for Tom. I actually met someone this week who was unfamiliar with the term, so I thought I'd better include a definition.
Sparkle Moonbeam is a frustrated actor who never made it big, which suprises me given her award-winning performance on Thursday morning. Her son, a coddled Down Syndrome adult who is perfectly capable of waiting for a ride by himself, called the classroom to whine because his Access van was late again. Moonbeam went medieval on Access and shouted at their dispatcher while simultaneously barking commands into her walkie talkie at her husband, who was trying to restrain some kid hell-bent on flashing the cafeteria ladies.
While LoB wrung his hands in sympathy, Sparkle wailed,"We feel so powerless- why is this happening to us ?!" I'd had enough of her histironics over a late van and decided to go make some copies. As I was walking out I heard her say,"Now I know what they mean when they say 'blinded by anger'. My vision is actually blurry !" Almost as blurry as that line between reality and batshit crazy, I'm guessing...
THAT EXPLAINS WHY THEY SENT A BOX OF DRAMAMINE WITH HIM
Oink, who'd been left behind while his class went on a field trip, visited our room this morning. In classic autistic fashion, Oink started rocking when the goofy morning music came on, eventually causing a nauseated LoB to remark,"I feel like I'm on a lifeboat watching him row."
"AN UTTER LOAD OF BULLSHIT."
That's what LoB said after I read him a few Youtube comments from his unbalanced fans. He hosted a kids' TV show in the 80's, but according to some fans he's actually Maurie Povitch now (and other such nonsense). I'm not sure if LoB was offended by being confused with Maurie or just responding to my latest complaint against him, which involved his friend Jean meddling in G's speech and behavior plans without any permission from the District or my agency.
Jean is famous in the autism community for her badly drawn velcro books, several of which are being drooled on at this very moment in a Scumrise classroom near you. Because Hippie Volunteer wasn't here this week to piss me off, Jean kindly filled in. When she wasn't talking to our teenagers in an annoying baby voice, she could be heard referring to school employees as "those people", and bragging about LoB's acting career as if it was her own. She also alternated between bossing me around and ignoring me, although I didn't mind the latter nearly as much as the former.
Jai had accurately sized Jean up as a royal pain in the ass and disappeared with The Big Guy for an hour and a half, thus missing Jean's flippant suggestion that he be gotten rid of because he's not doing enough with G, as if wiping G's hairy butt 4 times a day and getting kicked for his efforts does not constitute doing something. He also missed my yanking LoB into the hall and rebuking him for allowing Jai to be discussed like that in front of the other aides (and the kids). I made it clear to LoB that if he didn't keep his pushy friend away from me blood would soon be shed. Jean finally left to bother another school with her superiority complex and LoB gave me aggrieved attitude, until my boss arrived and politely ripped him a new one.
MR. BLANDTASTIC
Ioan Gruffudd- closet homosexual Pod or completely asexual Pod ? I'm still trying to figure it out, and had plenty of time to observe him while watching The Fantastic Bore- I mean Four- which was elevated from tedious to remotely interesting by the presence of my roommate's daughter. Chloe's not real discerning between drivel and quality entertainment, so her enthusiasm for Michael Chiklettes or whatever his name is was unrestrained and contagious.
I was more interested in the rubbery Dr. Reed, played by the previously mentioned eye-candy. All that time spent with his castrating girlfriend finally paid off- Ioan portrayed Dr. Reed's spinelessness with an aplomb that hinted at close personal experience. He and his beard*- I mean gal pal- have finally married, so I anticipate he'll totally rock in upcoming films featuring battered/dickless husbands with bipolar/borderline wives who make everyone around them miserable, just like his wife is reputed to do...
* beard- a female who marries a homosexual so everyone can pretend they don't already know he prefers beef to fish. You know, like Nicole reputedly did for Tom. I actually met someone this week who was unfamiliar with the term, so I thought I'd better include a definition.
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 3:25 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home