Super Duper !

Because I care, dammit !

DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT
AJ, G's teacher and favorite punching bag, retired today. Since he didn't bother to inform the kids he was leaving, the day was mostly uneventful, except for Sahara's half-hour crying jag- I'm guessing she overheard the other teachers wishing him well. Spam showed typical autistic compassion by pointing at Sahara and merrily yelling "HA HA !" as she wept, stopping only when I threatened to melt down every Disney Sing-A-Long tape in the classroom if he didn't.

Triple A lurched around the classroom unattended, snatching other people's cupcakes and imitating Sahara's sobs with an uncanny accuracy. He paused a few times to passionately scream his own name, then shuffled around some more crying until Sahara shouted "PARK IT !" He did indeed park it, but first detoured past G's desk so he could filch some popcorn while G was busy flicking yogurt on Jai.

It was then that Moonbeam made the terrible mistake of asking AJ about his wife, who's name also happens to be Andi. Hearing what he assumed to be his own name, Triple-A immediately launched into 10 more minutes of shrieking "ANDY ! ANDY ! ANDY !", causing Sahara to bounce suggestively in her chair. At least it cheered her up...and Moonbeam wonders why AJ couldn't wait until the end of the year to retire ?

TESTES, TESTES, ONE, TWO...THREE ?!
Triple A was eventually drowned out by some fool testing the intercom system, but I didn't consider The Wave much of an improvement, especially since the "smooth jazz" (aka bland, uninspired pap) was punctuated by deafening feedback whines, microphone hisses, and popping sounds. Yacub, whom I have long suspected of being a human/alien hybrid, laughed hysterically at the feedback screeches and matched them note for note- maybe he and Triple A can start an echolalia band together, preferably at some other school.

SPEAKING OF TESTES...
Lucifer mounted up for action this week, starting with all the girls in his class and ending with all the male PE teachers. Lawdy didn't seem too disturbed about having his leg humped, causing The Irritable Texan to mutter for the rest of the hour about recidivism rates in teen offenders and how the cops were going to find out Louie's alias one day and hopefully arrest him during PE so we could all watch.

Lucifer didn't bother faking remorse during TIT's lengthy reprimand, and as soon as TIT ran out of air Lucifer hopped right back on top of Francesca, who was fair game because she was already laying down for her hourly power nap. Fortunately, she slept through the worst of it, but did wake up when Lucifer attempted to insert his wiener in her ear- I guess that would be pretty hard to ignore. It took 3 adults to get him off (har har), and only when TIT shoved him into the center of our incredibly violent hockey game did Lucifer finally recognise the severity of his crime. Ah, youth...

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER !
Fights erupted all week among the hoodlums from Mace's infamous bungalo classroom, and all of them are in G's 5th period gym class. Mace's feistiest threw down over the following topics:
- whether or not liking pro-wrestling means you're gay (yes)
- who gets the only eliptical machine that still works (G does, because he drools on the handles while the other kids are still climbing on and they abandon ship)
- whether or not Pebble dresses himself or is the unfortunate victim of some well-meaning adult (he's called The Pebble because of his homoerotic fascination with The Rock)
- why was your brother looking at my sister ? (two students with brothers in opposing gangs)
- who farted ?! (seriously, that one lasted several minutes, until the IABA guy finally intervened and broke it up)
- where is my pink backpack, you fuckers ? (it belongs to the meanest boy in the class, oddly enough)
- which Pirates Of The Carribean movie was the best
and of course...
- who will win the Super Bowl ?

I don't care who wins, I'm just looking for someone to watch it with ...
Enjoy yourselves this Super Bowl weekend !