That There's Funny Right There
What you'll be glad happened to me and not you:
PRECOGNITION, OR JUST TOO MUCH PIZZA BEFORE BED ?
I drempt that G was faking his retardation, cornering me in the emu area and trying to have his drooley way with me. The next day, G policed my interactions with various male staff members and yanked me away from Tivo, whom he'd rightly sized up as competition but who, like G, doesn't have antlers and therefore can't battle for available females in the traditional way.
G proceeded to throw dandelion stems at me with deadly accuracy for 10 minutes because Tivo wouldn't leave, until I finally told him there was no way in hell it would ever work between us- we're too different. He sulked over that bit of news until Jai finally arrived and wrangled him into the Emu cage for his daily chores. Jujube, Tivo's long-suffering coworker, wrangled Timo in a similar manner back to the gardening group he was supposed to be supervising but had completely forgotten about.
TAKE THAT, RAT BASTARD !
Triple-A Andy Andy Andyed Marvin into a stupor, then unexpectedly bitch-slapped him.
AH, TO BE MIDDLE-CLASS AND OBLIVIOUS...
The head honcho of our agency expressed suprise that messing up our paychecks (again) was a such a big deal. Jude admirably restrained herself from inflicting harm upon Hella's person when Hella asked her,"You mean people still live paycheck to paycheck like that ?" Maybe we wouldn't be living "like that" had she not cut our salaries by $3 an hour.
THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF NEFARIOUS
Hippie Volunteer got boycotted from yet another room (shhh ! he doesn't know yet) because he started a fight with Lawdy in front of the kids. Lawdy's crime ? Voting Republican, which apparently is more important than the courtesy and respect he's always shown to Hippie. Hippie was ejected from my latest crush's room back in November, due to his lengthy criticism regarding the use of microwaves in preparing Thanksgiving dinner for the students.
I attempted to avoid Hippie's evil clutches today by hiding out in another room while he mangled "Yellow Submarine" in G's 6th period class, but he spotted me through the door as he oozed by and tried to engage me by waving. I was bitching about him at that very moment with Reformed Biker Dude (the latest object of my desire), and RBD was declaring his undying hatred of Hippie Volunteer in no uncertain terms just as The Evil One poked his sensitive New Age head in. Awkward ! Hippie beat a hasty retreat without replying and I fell deeper in love with yet another unavailable, uninterested man.
ROMANCING THE BONE
Average Dan, who looks ok to me when I'm ovulating, had a few too many drinks (as usual) at Fox Fire and decided to advise us all on the proper way to give oral sex to a man. When I realized he'd untangled someone's balloon animal and was demonstrating his recommended technique on it for the benefit of everyone in the smoking area, I hustled him back to his apartment and privately concluded that perhaps Cody isn't the only bi-sexual living downstairs.
PRECOGNITION, OR JUST TOO MUCH PIZZA BEFORE BED ?
I drempt that G was faking his retardation, cornering me in the emu area and trying to have his drooley way with me. The next day, G policed my interactions with various male staff members and yanked me away from Tivo, whom he'd rightly sized up as competition but who, like G, doesn't have antlers and therefore can't battle for available females in the traditional way.
G proceeded to throw dandelion stems at me with deadly accuracy for 10 minutes because Tivo wouldn't leave, until I finally told him there was no way in hell it would ever work between us- we're too different. He sulked over that bit of news until Jai finally arrived and wrangled him into the Emu cage for his daily chores. Jujube, Tivo's long-suffering coworker, wrangled Timo in a similar manner back to the gardening group he was supposed to be supervising but had completely forgotten about.
TAKE THAT, RAT BASTARD !
Triple-A Andy Andy Andyed Marvin into a stupor, then unexpectedly bitch-slapped him.
AH, TO BE MIDDLE-CLASS AND OBLIVIOUS...
The head honcho of our agency expressed suprise that messing up our paychecks (again) was a such a big deal. Jude admirably restrained herself from inflicting harm upon Hella's person when Hella asked her,"You mean people still live paycheck to paycheck like that ?" Maybe we wouldn't be living "like that" had she not cut our salaries by $3 an hour.
THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF NEFARIOUS
Hippie Volunteer got boycotted from yet another room (shhh ! he doesn't know yet) because he started a fight with Lawdy in front of the kids. Lawdy's crime ? Voting Republican, which apparently is more important than the courtesy and respect he's always shown to Hippie. Hippie was ejected from my latest crush's room back in November, due to his lengthy criticism regarding the use of microwaves in preparing Thanksgiving dinner for the students.
I attempted to avoid Hippie's evil clutches today by hiding out in another room while he mangled "Yellow Submarine" in G's 6th period class, but he spotted me through the door as he oozed by and tried to engage me by waving. I was bitching about him at that very moment with Reformed Biker Dude (the latest object of my desire), and RBD was declaring his undying hatred of Hippie Volunteer in no uncertain terms just as The Evil One poked his sensitive New Age head in. Awkward ! Hippie beat a hasty retreat without replying and I fell deeper in love with yet another unavailable, uninterested man.
ROMANCING THE BONE
Average Dan, who looks ok to me when I'm ovulating, had a few too many drinks (as usual) at Fox Fire and decided to advise us all on the proper way to give oral sex to a man. When I realized he'd untangled someone's balloon animal and was demonstrating his recommended technique on it for the benefit of everyone in the smoking area, I hustled him back to his apartment and privately concluded that perhaps Cody isn't the only bi-sexual living downstairs.
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 10:04 PM
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