Pop Quiz !
Several people have commented on how much they enjoy my quizzes. There's no accounting for some people's tastes. Anyway, here's another one- keep your eyes on your own paper, please.
MULTIPLE CHOICE
1. On Friday, Sahara massaged her breasts at Jai during which morning activity ?
a) Alphabet Song
b) Simon Says
c) Months of The Year
d) Number Rock
correct answer: C. No wonder Jai keeps muttering about taking the summer off.
2. After G trashed the classroom and was escorted out, LoB was heard to say:
a) "Perhaps I've made a serious vocational error."
b) "Where's my rifle ?"
c) "I thought he'd never leave !"
d) "Does anyone have any Zanex ?"
correct answer: C. Zanex can't be combined with LoB's Mellaril.
3. Biker Dude constructed a giant paper mache ______ on Wednesday.
a) effigy of Hippie Volunteer, which he then burned
b) bottle of Cuervo Gold
c) sculpture of nothing in particular, representing man's inhumanity to man
d) golden calf to annoy Lez the Christian
correct answer: B. It's a pinata for his daughter's 21st birthday party.
4. Shannon set a timer for one of her students. When it rang, she:
a) dove under her desk due to PTSD
b) reprimanded the student for setting the timer ahead
c) clocked out and pulled the fire alarm on her way to the parking lot
d) answered her phone
correct answer: D, and her students made fun of her for the rest of the day.
5. I sing this instead of "If You're Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands":
a) "If Life's Crappy And You Know It, Stab Your Hand"
b) "If You're Vapid And You Know It, Sing This Song"
c) "If G Grabs That And He Throws It, Duck Your Head"
d) "If You're Sappy And You Know It, Crap Your Pants"
correct answer: B. I don't do perky.
6. Jai announced this week that he is taking the summer off to:
a) go back to Korea and terrorize his family
b) buff his car obsessively
c) hide the bodies
d) all of the above
correct answer: A, although if you answered D you have a good understanding of Jai's temperament.
7. Which of the following is my favorite substitution for Bed, Bath and Beyond ?
a) Bad Breath and Beyond
b) Blood Bath and Beyond
c) Big Butts and Behinds
d) Drink, Barf and Begone
correct answer: A.
8. Jai confided to me this week that he:
a) despises Americans
b) despises LoB
c) despises me
d) all of the above
Technically D is the correct answer, although Jai never directly insults me, preferring instead to use passive-aggressive tactics to make his feelings known. He shared his contempt for LoB with me on Friday, and tells me Americans are "crazy in head" and "so lazy !" every time we are forced to endure each other's company.
9. My one and only Sea-Monkey died this morning. What was his name ?
a) Speck
b) Testes
c) Banjo
d) Mittens
correct answer: B, although Speck is a fitting name for a micriscopic brine shrimp.
10. If I was a dude, I'd be:
a) Marilyn Manson
b) The Dalai Lama
c) Sanjaya
d) in prison
correct answer: A, but give yourself half a point if you picked D.
ESSAY
In 300 words or less, describe your plans for world domination.
Give yourselves an A just for reading this and go do something productive now !
MULTIPLE CHOICE
1. On Friday, Sahara massaged her breasts at Jai during which morning activity ?
a) Alphabet Song
b) Simon Says
c) Months of The Year
d) Number Rock
correct answer: C. No wonder Jai keeps muttering about taking the summer off.
2. After G trashed the classroom and was escorted out, LoB was heard to say:
a) "Perhaps I've made a serious vocational error."
b) "Where's my rifle ?"
c) "I thought he'd never leave !"
d) "Does anyone have any Zanex ?"
correct answer: C. Zanex can't be combined with LoB's Mellaril.
3. Biker Dude constructed a giant paper mache ______ on Wednesday.
a) effigy of Hippie Volunteer, which he then burned
b) bottle of Cuervo Gold
c) sculpture of nothing in particular, representing man's inhumanity to man
d) golden calf to annoy Lez the Christian
correct answer: B. It's a pinata for his daughter's 21st birthday party.
4. Shannon set a timer for one of her students. When it rang, she:
a) dove under her desk due to PTSD
b) reprimanded the student for setting the timer ahead
c) clocked out and pulled the fire alarm on her way to the parking lot
d) answered her phone
correct answer: D, and her students made fun of her for the rest of the day.
5. I sing this instead of "If You're Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands":
a) "If Life's Crappy And You Know It, Stab Your Hand"
b) "If You're Vapid And You Know It, Sing This Song"
c) "If G Grabs That And He Throws It, Duck Your Head"
d) "If You're Sappy And You Know It, Crap Your Pants"
correct answer: B. I don't do perky.
6. Jai announced this week that he is taking the summer off to:
a) go back to Korea and terrorize his family
b) buff his car obsessively
c) hide the bodies
d) all of the above
correct answer: A, although if you answered D you have a good understanding of Jai's temperament.
7. Which of the following is my favorite substitution for Bed, Bath and Beyond ?
a) Bad Breath and Beyond
b) Blood Bath and Beyond
c) Big Butts and Behinds
d) Drink, Barf and Begone
correct answer: A.
8. Jai confided to me this week that he:
a) despises Americans
b) despises LoB
c) despises me
d) all of the above
Technically D is the correct answer, although Jai never directly insults me, preferring instead to use passive-aggressive tactics to make his feelings known. He shared his contempt for LoB with me on Friday, and tells me Americans are "crazy in head" and "so lazy !" every time we are forced to endure each other's company.
9. My one and only Sea-Monkey died this morning. What was his name ?
a) Speck
b) Testes
c) Banjo
d) Mittens
correct answer: B, although Speck is a fitting name for a micriscopic brine shrimp.
10. If I was a dude, I'd be:
a) Marilyn Manson
b) The Dalai Lama
c) Sanjaya
d) in prison
correct answer: A, but give yourself half a point if you picked D.
ESSAY
In 300 words or less, describe your plans for world domination.
Give yourselves an A just for reading this and go do something productive now !
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 7:05 PM
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