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YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE OTHER GUY
As far as I know, emus have a hard time shooting their own eyes out with Red Rider BB guns, so how Emu's left orb was reduced to mangled pulp is still an unsolved mystery as of this writing. Scusme, the animal care teacher and legendary G Whisperer, found Emu on Tuesday with a gorey eye socket, his beak and neck twisted off center, and his throat bleeding. Being the valiant sort, Scusme hurtled all 4 feet, 11 inches of herself through the air and tackled Emu as he attempted to flee the scene of the crime, then slammed some horse steroids down his throat and squirted Bactriban goo all over his eye. G-Man watched her ministrations carefully, then expressed his solidarity with suffering emus everywhere by tossing his communication book into the ducks' swimming pool.
BOYS WILL BE BOYS
* Triple-A whipped out his impressive member and proceeded to play a mean air guitar on it while the sub droned on about King Tut to no one in particular.
* Big G chuckled to himself while shoving his finger in and out of the O puzzle piece in a suggestive manner.
* I was awakened at 1:43 on Wednesday morning by my downstairs neighbor, Average Dan, who was loudly complaining to his ex-girlfriend about the refurbished hard drive he'd just purchased. Turns out it was full of photos depicting butt-nekkid 14 year-old boys, with a request from the previous owner for pictures of 10 year-olds still saved on the hard drive.
* On Tuesday, our substitute teacher blurted out "She's going to have herpes someday !" in the middle of story time. We have no idea who he was talking about.
SHORT BUT SWEET:
* My father smugly proclaimed himself the undisputed expert on the non-existence of an afterlife, despite not actually being dead himself (unfortunately).
* Average Dan told me it was cool if I hopped on his wireless connection, then firewalled it so I couldn't get in.
* AJ had enough of the dawdling sales "help" at Fry's and screamed "HURRY UP !" in the salesman's face.
* Barb menanced her daughter all week with horror stories about kids who don't bathe and eventually rot away from flesh-eating MARSA. I added to Chloe's fear by claiming that if she was hospitalized due to the antibiotic-resistance common with MARSA, she'd have to share the TV in her room with a cranky old lady addicted to Maury Povitch re-runs.
* No mantises were harmed (or sighted) in the making of this blog entry...
As far as I know, emus have a hard time shooting their own eyes out with Red Rider BB guns, so how Emu's left orb was reduced to mangled pulp is still an unsolved mystery as of this writing. Scusme, the animal care teacher and legendary G Whisperer, found Emu on Tuesday with a gorey eye socket, his beak and neck twisted off center, and his throat bleeding. Being the valiant sort, Scusme hurtled all 4 feet, 11 inches of herself through the air and tackled Emu as he attempted to flee the scene of the crime, then slammed some horse steroids down his throat and squirted Bactriban goo all over his eye. G-Man watched her ministrations carefully, then expressed his solidarity with suffering emus everywhere by tossing his communication book into the ducks' swimming pool.
BOYS WILL BE BOYS
* Triple-A whipped out his impressive member and proceeded to play a mean air guitar on it while the sub droned on about King Tut to no one in particular.
* Big G chuckled to himself while shoving his finger in and out of the O puzzle piece in a suggestive manner.
* I was awakened at 1:43 on Wednesday morning by my downstairs neighbor, Average Dan, who was loudly complaining to his ex-girlfriend about the refurbished hard drive he'd just purchased. Turns out it was full of photos depicting butt-nekkid 14 year-old boys, with a request from the previous owner for pictures of 10 year-olds still saved on the hard drive.
* On Tuesday, our substitute teacher blurted out "She's going to have herpes someday !" in the middle of story time. We have no idea who he was talking about.
SHORT BUT SWEET:
* My father smugly proclaimed himself the undisputed expert on the non-existence of an afterlife, despite not actually being dead himself (unfortunately).
* Average Dan told me it was cool if I hopped on his wireless connection, then firewalled it so I couldn't get in.
* AJ had enough of the dawdling sales "help" at Fry's and screamed "HURRY UP !" in the salesman's face.
* Barb menanced her daughter all week with horror stories about kids who don't bathe and eventually rot away from flesh-eating MARSA. I added to Chloe's fear by claiming that if she was hospitalized due to the antibiotic-resistance common with MARSA, she'd have to share the TV in her room with a cranky old lady addicted to Maury Povitch re-runs.
* No mantises were harmed (or sighted) in the making of this blog entry...
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 12:09 AM
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