Happy Days Are Here Again
PARTY ON, DUDE !
G livened things up on Wednesday by tossing a fire extinguisher, a towel hamper, and a folding chair at no one in particular during 5th period, then ran outside and tossed his shirt into the emu's cage (I swear I did not make that up). We had so much fun watching him dismantle the volleyball net that I had to double-check my badge to make sure I wasn't still working at the Hell Group. There's no such thing as a Quiet Area here at Leech School, so Big G roams freely like the shaggy buffalo he resembles, absent-mindedly trampling upon any slower-moving students unfortunate enough to wander across his path. I've lost 5 lbs. already just from tailing him, and will probably lose more trying to demonstrate proper use of the eliptical machine while he kicks it. Talk about job perks...
PETER PAN AND THE BUTT PIRATES
There is a very disturbing poster hanging over our classroom sink of Peter Pan, who is depicted with a limp wrist and a leering expression on his face. Unfortunately, I cannot share my mirth over this unfortunate decoration with my Rm. 13 coworkers, because they are too politically correct to ever enjoy an off-color joke at Disney's expense. Usually, I'm too busy to joke around anyway, with most of my time taken up by reassuring the pathologically anxious teacher for the hundreth time that I'm not about to report his G-rated remark about Andy's diaper to the campus CIA.
With all the interpersonal BS on this campus, I'm not suprised that Mr. Goia (rhymes with "paranoia" and "his OCD will surely annoy ya") feels unsafe cracking the rigor mortis around his smile muscles. Even the normally reticent Jai will take several breaks a day from karate chopping G to warn me in broken English, "Don'ta trust that one. Psychopath ! It iza my observation 80, 90 percent of this school employee very crazy. Don'ta talk to nobodys. Deese people look like smile on outside, inside going in wrong direction." The principal and school nurse told me the same thing on the first day (albiet using better grammar), so I'm looking forward to having plenty of grist for my e-mail mill this school year.
CRAZY LIKE A FOX
Speaking of psychos, one of the trouble-making PE teachers, Mary Loo Who, bears a striking resemblance to the Hell Group's trouble-making principal, Loo Anne. It's my theory that both of them having similar names is life's way of making them easier to spot and avoid. Mary Loo glommed onto me the first day in an attempt to extract juicy gossip about Vera, the new principal who was once my old principal. This caused Jai to swoop down on me like Dracula, muttering dire warnings about her rather obvious motives. He then hustled G off in a headlock to retrieve his discarded polo shirt from the animal pen, which contains a traumatized emu, four rabbits, two ducks, a gender-confused goose, and one lone Poi fish swimming forlornly in the rock garden.
RUMORS CONFIRMED BY JAY, WHO'S BEEN ON THIS CAMPUS SINCE DINOSAURS ROAMED THE EARTH:
- "Thata one, she have imbalance- nobodys likes to work wiss her." (referring to a teacher I worked with 14 years ago and remember being a harmless ditz).
- "He likea touch the girls- they moob him so many time !" (Vance, the creepy guy I have to spend 5th period with)
- "That-a one, he enjoy it holding students down, no one want to work wiss him either." (Bo, Vance's pal with the huge beer gut who tried to hit on me the first day of school).
- "He kinda strange- very nervous ! Pee himself everytime G move ! Hahaha !" (about G's classroom teacher, who trembles like a whippet all day long).
- "Edder principal, she try get rid that one. I don't know why nobodys gets rid him." (regarding the PE assistant that is a bit too touchy-feely with the female staff members).
As you can see, your tax dollars are funding the highest caliber of people to care for your children. The principal confided to me that this school contains more predators than Africa, more religious strong-arming than a Billy Graham rally, and more nuts per square inch than her last school, which I find hard to believe but will take her word on.
Good times !
G livened things up on Wednesday by tossing a fire extinguisher, a towel hamper, and a folding chair at no one in particular during 5th period, then ran outside and tossed his shirt into the emu's cage (I swear I did not make that up). We had so much fun watching him dismantle the volleyball net that I had to double-check my badge to make sure I wasn't still working at the Hell Group. There's no such thing as a Quiet Area here at Leech School, so Big G roams freely like the shaggy buffalo he resembles, absent-mindedly trampling upon any slower-moving students unfortunate enough to wander across his path. I've lost 5 lbs. already just from tailing him, and will probably lose more trying to demonstrate proper use of the eliptical machine while he kicks it. Talk about job perks...
PETER PAN AND THE BUTT PIRATES
There is a very disturbing poster hanging over our classroom sink of Peter Pan, who is depicted with a limp wrist and a leering expression on his face. Unfortunately, I cannot share my mirth over this unfortunate decoration with my Rm. 13 coworkers, because they are too politically correct to ever enjoy an off-color joke at Disney's expense. Usually, I'm too busy to joke around anyway, with most of my time taken up by reassuring the pathologically anxious teacher for the hundreth time that I'm not about to report his G-rated remark about Andy's diaper to the campus CIA.
With all the interpersonal BS on this campus, I'm not suprised that Mr. Goia (rhymes with "paranoia" and "his OCD will surely annoy ya") feels unsafe cracking the rigor mortis around his smile muscles. Even the normally reticent Jai will take several breaks a day from karate chopping G to warn me in broken English, "Don'ta trust that one. Psychopath ! It iza my observation 80, 90 percent of this school employee very crazy. Don'ta talk to nobodys. Deese people look like smile on outside, inside going in wrong direction." The principal and school nurse told me the same thing on the first day (albiet using better grammar), so I'm looking forward to having plenty of grist for my e-mail mill this school year.
CRAZY LIKE A FOX
Speaking of psychos, one of the trouble-making PE teachers, Mary Loo Who, bears a striking resemblance to the Hell Group's trouble-making principal, Loo Anne. It's my theory that both of them having similar names is life's way of making them easier to spot and avoid. Mary Loo glommed onto me the first day in an attempt to extract juicy gossip about Vera, the new principal who was once my old principal. This caused Jai to swoop down on me like Dracula, muttering dire warnings about her rather obvious motives. He then hustled G off in a headlock to retrieve his discarded polo shirt from the animal pen, which contains a traumatized emu, four rabbits, two ducks, a gender-confused goose, and one lone Poi fish swimming forlornly in the rock garden.
RUMORS CONFIRMED BY JAY, WHO'S BEEN ON THIS CAMPUS SINCE DINOSAURS ROAMED THE EARTH:
- "Thata one, she have imbalance- nobodys likes to work wiss her." (referring to a teacher I worked with 14 years ago and remember being a harmless ditz).
- "He likea touch the girls- they moob him so many time !" (Vance, the creepy guy I have to spend 5th period with)
- "That-a one, he enjoy it holding students down, no one want to work wiss him either." (Bo, Vance's pal with the huge beer gut who tried to hit on me the first day of school).
- "He kinda strange- very nervous ! Pee himself everytime G move ! Hahaha !" (about G's classroom teacher, who trembles like a whippet all day long).
- "Edder principal, she try get rid that one. I don't know why nobodys gets rid him." (regarding the PE assistant that is a bit too touchy-feely with the female staff members).
As you can see, your tax dollars are funding the highest caliber of people to care for your children. The principal confided to me that this school contains more predators than Africa, more religious strong-arming than a Billy Graham rally, and more nuts per square inch than her last school, which I find hard to believe but will take her word on.
Good times !
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 7:28 PM
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