Sunday, June 17, 2007

We Gotta Get Out Of This Place

There's a better life for me and you !" Sing along if you know the words...

I LIKE MINE WITH A SLICE OF TOMATO
Owen spent most of Monday's morning circle time extracting things from his nose, which were so weird looking that I was compelled to ask him if he was feeling well and what he'd been eating lately. Evan replied, "cottage cheese". Turns out he'd had it for breakfast and stored some in his nostrils for emergencies while mom was on the phone. Go figure; he hasn't had a runny nose since.

IT'S MY PRESCHOOL AND I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO, YOU WOULD CRY TOO IF IT HAPPENED TO YOU...
- Adrien kicked off Monday by screaming non-stop for 1 hour and 33 minutes- that's just from the time I arrived; he was already crying when I got there. Knowing when she was beat, Tali, who cries from her arrival to her departure every freakin' day, took a 15 minute break to rehydrate while Adrien carried the solo, then resumed her usual hysterics.
- Li Li cried crocodole tears all over Penny's shoulder about her "fibromyalgia" (now downgraded to degenerative arthritis) in front of the entire naptime crew, while the rest of us looked uncomfortable because we had just discussed how grateful we all were that Li Li might have to miss more work.
- Arfer cried so loudly at nap time that he woke 3 kids up, which nearly made me cry as well. Noone could figure out why Rudra was crying and noone cared that Bailies was crying, but everyone felt bad when Banjo cried after Evan jumped up and down on his chest.

BRINGS NEW MEANING TO "20 LASHES WITH A WET NOODLE"
Richard's 10th birthday was Saturday, and at first, I was worried that nothing newsworthy would ever happen. Fortunately, I was saved from despair by the appearance of Carolyn's leathery neighbor with her perfectly arranged hair. Unfazed by the violence of Jeremiah kicking Richard in the sac for the billionth time, she waded dead-center into the battle and stood there, causing an exasperated Richard to ask "Can't you see we're having a birthday party here ?!"

Apparently not, and she never saw the ball coming, either. She valiantly soldiered through her varicose leg lifts while water noodles and playground balls clocked her in the head, and was shot in the eye with a water cannon while strolling back through the shallow end, but still managed to politely wish Richard a happy birthday as she exited the pool. We adults tried not to pee from suppressed laughter and thanked her for being so good-natured, which earned us a puzzled look. Must have been due to brain-damage from the noodle...

The party ended with the appearance of Hippie Dave, who insisted on some convoluted Masonic handshake before he'd let go of my resisting appendage. Dave not only looks like my creepy ex-boyfriend (yes, BOYfriend) , but also sounds like him with his "victimized by the opposite sex" bullshit I've come to expect from those who refuse to question outdated gender roles. Speaking of outdated gender roles, Dave and Rog- Richard's father, who shocked me by rising from his coffin before sundown to fill the cooler- sat on their bony asses discussing matters of serious import while we womenfolk schlepped all the heavy things up two flights of stairs for 30 minutes. Figures.

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