Butter My Butt And Call Me A Biscuit
The header for this post came to me as I listened to Bailies, a recent transplant from Tennessee, repeating "Ah have ta go pay-pay !" to a baffled Waffle...
FULL MOON FEVER
That old-wives' tale about never getting a haircut during a full moon ? It's good advice- especially if your stylist is a Scorpio with PMS who's consumption of chocolate and cigarettes does not seem to be improving her mood. I'm just sayin'...
THE HUMPTY DANCE IS HIS CHANCE TO DO THE HUMP...
Not Autistic Mac, having honed his technique daily on his pillow at nap time, went after bigger game this week. He started with Graciella, who was hampered by her ruby slipper knockoffs and slid into the dumptrucks while trying to evade his clutches. He crunched her with a flying tackle and proceeded to dry-hump her until I pried him off. After faking remorse in time-out with Penny, Mac shared a moment of intimacy with Arfer, who didn't seem to mind being ground into the Astroturf and laughed the whole time. Upon hearing of his son's date-rape potential, his dad quipped "I guess he's a lover AND a fighter."
EVERYDAY IS EARTH DAY
This month's theme was "Conservation", which I found amusing as I wrapped a disposable diaper in a plastic bag (it will take over 400+ years to biodegrade, according to Heal The Bay), then tossed it into a bigger plastic bag full of single-serve juice boxes, individual Dixie cups, and Banjo's missing shoes.
I'LL HAVE THE PINE FLOAT, PLEASE
Fine cuisine swiped this week by poverty-stricken staff members:
Jacky- Goldfish crackers and half a banana (kids' lunches)
Shanana- graham crackers with peanut butter and jelly on them (The snack tray)
Waffle- Tiny's strawberries (which Tiny spent the rest of the day searching for in the back of the fridge)
Me- Seedless red grapes (whenever Arfer and Minerva looked away)
Penny- Tiny's spicy tuna dip (she was caught- Bwahaha !)
TAKE THAT, YOU MOTHERS !
Knowing a bad deal when they hear it, most of the moms had the sense to sneak their kids home early on Friday, but a few unsuspecting first-timers stayed for our Mother's Day event. The festivities consisted of Banjo screaming and clawing his face to the tune of "The Water Cycle Boogie" because he wanted a cupcake, Zap sobbing through "The Wheels On The Bus" because he wanted his mommy, and Rott scratching Rezza in the eye because he wanted to hear her scream. Tali's mother gifted me with a miniscule box of See's candy to compensate me for my hearing loss, aquired when Tali shrieked in my ear for 2 weeks while she (mal)adjusted to day care. Perhaps I was supposed to insert the candies into my ears for next week, but I ate them instead and will have to suffer the deafening consequences.
BABY BUGGY BOOGIE
The kids have a new use for their ugly smocks- they stuff them up their shirts, then run around the play area screaming "I'm having a baby !" So are two-thirds of their moms, it seems. Bailies mistakenly thought her peers were shouting "boobies !" and stuffed her smock up so high that Mac lost control and started humping the picnic table bench. Undeterred by Jacky's observation that boys can't have babies, T-Bone and Ray gave birth under the climber, then lovingly chucked their "babies" over the alley wall.
MIRACLES DO STILL HAPPEN
- Octagenerian Yomama leaked the news that her darling daughter, Li Li, is looking for another job.
- Li Li was absent 3 days this week, but unfortunately was ill and not looking for another job.
- We received gift cards on Teacher Appreciation Day, and by "we" I mean the aides as well.
- When Juicie stopped by unexpectedly, the children were model citizens and forgot to scream, AWOL, or throw up during nap time. Even more miraculously, Juicie made it through the entire visit without poking herself in the eye with a straw.
FULL MOON FEVER
That old-wives' tale about never getting a haircut during a full moon ? It's good advice- especially if your stylist is a Scorpio with PMS who's consumption of chocolate and cigarettes does not seem to be improving her mood. I'm just sayin'...
THE HUMPTY DANCE IS HIS CHANCE TO DO THE HUMP...
Not Autistic Mac, having honed his technique daily on his pillow at nap time, went after bigger game this week. He started with Graciella, who was hampered by her ruby slipper knockoffs and slid into the dumptrucks while trying to evade his clutches. He crunched her with a flying tackle and proceeded to dry-hump her until I pried him off. After faking remorse in time-out with Penny, Mac shared a moment of intimacy with Arfer, who didn't seem to mind being ground into the Astroturf and laughed the whole time. Upon hearing of his son's date-rape potential, his dad quipped "I guess he's a lover AND a fighter."
EVERYDAY IS EARTH DAY
This month's theme was "Conservation", which I found amusing as I wrapped a disposable diaper in a plastic bag (it will take over 400+ years to biodegrade, according to Heal The Bay), then tossed it into a bigger plastic bag full of single-serve juice boxes, individual Dixie cups, and Banjo's missing shoes.
I'LL HAVE THE PINE FLOAT, PLEASE
Fine cuisine swiped this week by poverty-stricken staff members:
Jacky- Goldfish crackers and half a banana (kids' lunches)
Shanana- graham crackers with peanut butter and jelly on them (The snack tray)
Waffle- Tiny's strawberries (which Tiny spent the rest of the day searching for in the back of the fridge)
Me- Seedless red grapes (whenever Arfer and Minerva looked away)
Penny- Tiny's spicy tuna dip (she was caught- Bwahaha !)
TAKE THAT, YOU MOTHERS !
Knowing a bad deal when they hear it, most of the moms had the sense to sneak their kids home early on Friday, but a few unsuspecting first-timers stayed for our Mother's Day event. The festivities consisted of Banjo screaming and clawing his face to the tune of "The Water Cycle Boogie" because he wanted a cupcake, Zap sobbing through "The Wheels On The Bus" because he wanted his mommy, and Rott scratching Rezza in the eye because he wanted to hear her scream. Tali's mother gifted me with a miniscule box of See's candy to compensate me for my hearing loss, aquired when Tali shrieked in my ear for 2 weeks while she (mal)adjusted to day care. Perhaps I was supposed to insert the candies into my ears for next week, but I ate them instead and will have to suffer the deafening consequences.
BABY BUGGY BOOGIE
The kids have a new use for their ugly smocks- they stuff them up their shirts, then run around the play area screaming "I'm having a baby !" So are two-thirds of their moms, it seems. Bailies mistakenly thought her peers were shouting "boobies !" and stuffed her smock up so high that Mac lost control and started humping the picnic table bench. Undeterred by Jacky's observation that boys can't have babies, T-Bone and Ray gave birth under the climber, then lovingly chucked their "babies" over the alley wall.
MIRACLES DO STILL HAPPEN
- Octagenerian Yomama leaked the news that her darling daughter, Li Li, is looking for another job.
- Li Li was absent 3 days this week, but unfortunately was ill and not looking for another job.
- We received gift cards on Teacher Appreciation Day, and by "we" I mean the aides as well.
- When Juicie stopped by unexpectedly, the children were model citizens and forgot to scream, AWOL, or throw up during nap time. Even more miraculously, Juicie made it through the entire visit without poking herself in the eye with a straw.
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 11:15 AM
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