This Week's Lesson Plan
Howdy, dudies ! Let's get right to it...
SCIENCE:
If you've been on this list for the last four installments (and actually read them instead of immediately hitting delete), then you'll remember that my Blue Group of psychotic toddlers has an ongoing issue with All Things That Hop. This week, we were up to our eyeballs in tiny (one-legged) grasshoppers and crickets (appendages still attached until the arrival of Santiago). Travis spent an hour escorting all the other inmates- I mean children- to see the legless hopper flailing under the climber, then stomped the sucker flat and ended its misery. I was simultaneously elated by Travis's interest in nature (he didn't sink his fangs into anyone for the entire hour) and horrified by the hopper's untimely death, which moved me to tears. I'm suffering from hellacious PMS this week and cry everytime the wind changes direction, much like Autistic Adrien.
Friday's rain kept the kids indoors, which resulted in Non-Pod Kary having a psychotic break from all the chaos. We spent the morning comparing our favorite conspiracy theories and speculating on which kids are actually visiting from other planets. At 5 p.m., Jacky wisely went out and toweled the climber off so we could stop contemplating manslaughter and send the kids outside instead. He spotted two mice climbing up the orange tree and told Penny we had "huge rats again". Beats hoppers, I suppose.
SOCIAL SKILLS:
Speaking of Adrien... his mother, Taffy (insert cutesy giggle here), was offended when I agreed with Penny's recommendation that her son be assessed for the autism he supposedly doesn't have, and bitched about me for 3 days to anyone that couldn't slip away through the kitchen in time. Due to the aforementioned hormonal derangement, I felt very discouraged by her insipid remarks and perseverated all week on them. Those of you with extra mood-stabilizers laying around (you all know who you are) may want to Fed-Ex some to me before I appear on the 6 o'clock news, and I won't be presenting the weather...
Taffy baked me some cookies on Friday that looked like diarrhea and came with a card attached saying how much she appreciated me for being Adrien's teacher. After absorbing 5 minutes of Penny's gratuitous gushing over how "nice" Tiffany is, I fed the cookies to the kids because I suspected Taffy's secret ingredient might be Adrien's spittle (and probably hers, as well).
I'm happy to report that Li Li was slightly less annoying this week, probably due to Waffle's leaking everything we're planning to say about her at the next staff meeting. I really couldn't stay upset at Waffle, although I made a valient attempt for the sake of my reputation. Trying to picture her original nose has provided me with hours of amusement, and that should count for something.
ENGLISH:
Penny declared that if one more hipster 30-something used the word "surreal" in her presence, she was going to be forced to start smacking heads with her Webster's Dictionary. I suggested she start smacking select children on the other end with it, which elicited an unexpected snicker from the Jacky Pod.
MATH:
1. Percent of diapers stolen out of other children's cubbies by Zeke's mom, minus the number of demons (aka parents) tormenting Penny this week equals... ?
2. Multiply the number of bites received daily in the play area by how many days per week my psychologically fragile co-teacher is absent. Show your work.
3. Divide the number of shirts Arfer has thrown over the fence into muddy potting soil by the number of Waffle's functional nostrils. If you can't divide by one, please join me Wednesday evenings in Math 112.
4. Subtract the amount on my paycheck from the larger amount of rent still owed to my landlady. Don't forget to borrow- I do it all the time, from anyone remotely prosperous.
Hope your week was surreal...
SCIENCE:
If you've been on this list for the last four installments (and actually read them instead of immediately hitting delete), then you'll remember that my Blue Group of psychotic toddlers has an ongoing issue with All Things That Hop. This week, we were up to our eyeballs in tiny (one-legged) grasshoppers and crickets (appendages still attached until the arrival of Santiago). Travis spent an hour escorting all the other inmates- I mean children- to see the legless hopper flailing under the climber, then stomped the sucker flat and ended its misery. I was simultaneously elated by Travis's interest in nature (he didn't sink his fangs into anyone for the entire hour) and horrified by the hopper's untimely death, which moved me to tears. I'm suffering from hellacious PMS this week and cry everytime the wind changes direction, much like Autistic Adrien.
Friday's rain kept the kids indoors, which resulted in Non-Pod Kary having a psychotic break from all the chaos. We spent the morning comparing our favorite conspiracy theories and speculating on which kids are actually visiting from other planets. At 5 p.m., Jacky wisely went out and toweled the climber off so we could stop contemplating manslaughter and send the kids outside instead. He spotted two mice climbing up the orange tree and told Penny we had "huge rats again". Beats hoppers, I suppose.
SOCIAL SKILLS:
Speaking of Adrien... his mother, Taffy (insert cutesy giggle here), was offended when I agreed with Penny's recommendation that her son be assessed for the autism he supposedly doesn't have, and bitched about me for 3 days to anyone that couldn't slip away through the kitchen in time. Due to the aforementioned hormonal derangement, I felt very discouraged by her insipid remarks and perseverated all week on them. Those of you with extra mood-stabilizers laying around (you all know who you are) may want to Fed-Ex some to me before I appear on the 6 o'clock news, and I won't be presenting the weather...
Taffy baked me some cookies on Friday that looked like diarrhea and came with a card attached saying how much she appreciated me for being Adrien's teacher. After absorbing 5 minutes of Penny's gratuitous gushing over how "nice" Tiffany is, I fed the cookies to the kids because I suspected Taffy's secret ingredient might be Adrien's spittle (and probably hers, as well).
I'm happy to report that Li Li was slightly less annoying this week, probably due to Waffle's leaking everything we're planning to say about her at the next staff meeting. I really couldn't stay upset at Waffle, although I made a valient attempt for the sake of my reputation. Trying to picture her original nose has provided me with hours of amusement, and that should count for something.
ENGLISH:
Penny declared that if one more hipster 30-something used the word "surreal" in her presence, she was going to be forced to start smacking heads with her Webster's Dictionary. I suggested she start smacking select children on the other end with it, which elicited an unexpected snicker from the Jacky Pod.
MATH:
1. Percent of diapers stolen out of other children's cubbies by Zeke's mom, minus the number of demons (aka parents) tormenting Penny this week equals... ?
2. Multiply the number of bites received daily in the play area by how many days per week my psychologically fragile co-teacher is absent. Show your work.
3. Divide the number of shirts Arfer has thrown over the fence into muddy potting soil by the number of Waffle's functional nostrils. If you can't divide by one, please join me Wednesday evenings in Math 112.
4. Subtract the amount on my paycheck from the larger amount of rent still owed to my landlady. Don't forget to borrow- I do it all the time, from anyone remotely prosperous.
Hope your week was surreal...
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 9:46 AM
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