Ripped From The Headlines
LONE HOPPER OF THE APOCALYPSE
Penny's right- Armageddon is upon us and God is punishing The Valley for its sins with giant locusts. Actually, just one lone grasshopper. Not content last week with nearly being squashed flat by 25 panic-stricken toddlers screaming "GASHOPPER !", the 2-inch monster called for a rematch. Unfortunately, he (she ?) jumped so hard into a wall that her (his ?) leg fell off, causing the wee ones to speculate as to whether their legs could also be easily seperated from their bodies. I assured them their legs not only could, but would be removed shortly if they didn't stop pelting me with lemons, then pretended to pick my teeth with the severed leg and was declared the coolest (but grossest) teacher ever. The Jacky Pod removed the hapless hopper to safer lodgings, but told the kids he'd prepared it for snack.
INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE'S DAD
Reva's father has been very concerned about her health and blames us for her croupy cough. I was informed that "the sun is not good for any children, it makes them sickly", "getting your hands wet makes you sickly", and "if she continues to have sickliness, I will remove her from this place".
I politely refrained from informing him that his daughter is probably still "sickly" and coughing because he refuses to take her to a n allergist and lives next to the freeway. Meanwhile, we are to escort Reva and her 7 layers of clothing out of the sun whenever she experiences a moment of joy there, lest she encounter a stray beam of light and turn to ashes.
WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS
At first, it looked like Georgia would take home the gold for her backflip off of the toy firetruck, which knocked the wind out of her and caused her to suddenly fill her diaper. However, a mere 20 minutes later I witnessed Asa doing a triple gainer off of the slide that culminated with an ominous thud on the concrete. The concussion won hands-down.
HOW DO I LOATHE YOU ? LET ME COUNT THE WAYS...
Everyworkplace needs at least one competetive control-freak, but I've been too tired lately to fulfill my duties and turned the task over to a more qualified person. Pod Director Li Li declared war on me this week by arguing with anything I said (even if it wasn't being said to her), micro-managing how I organized the supposedly "flex" hour of activites, and telling Pod Boss Ricky I don't know anything about autism because and Asperger Mac will "grow out of this phase just like Geneva did". Sadly, Geneva didn't and Mac won't, but I won't tell her if you don't...
OFF-TOPIC GOSSIP
* Shannon got a teaching position at the Autism Academy, a teeny tiny school up in Northridge with- wait for it- a sensory room ALL the kids can use. All 8 of them. Congratulations, Shannon, and please send Rafael a picture of your behind so he'll stop asking me about it.
* A great miracle occured last weekend: my mother finally returned my phone call (Apparently, she's just been real busy for the past 12 years).
An even greater miracle that rivals the Virgin Birth: we both remained civil for the entire phone call.
* Barb finally broke down and considered purchasing bookshelves for our slovenly living room. In 6 more months, they might actually be assembled and full of her junk...
* I actually understood every chapter of my math homework this week. Perhaps I should have put this up in the "miracle" section...
Penny's right- Armageddon is upon us and God is punishing The Valley for its sins with giant locusts. Actually, just one lone grasshopper. Not content last week with nearly being squashed flat by 25 panic-stricken toddlers screaming "GASHOPPER !", the 2-inch monster called for a rematch. Unfortunately, he (she ?) jumped so hard into a wall that her (his ?) leg fell off, causing the wee ones to speculate as to whether their legs could also be easily seperated from their bodies. I assured them their legs not only could, but would be removed shortly if they didn't stop pelting me with lemons, then pretended to pick my teeth with the severed leg and was declared the coolest (but grossest) teacher ever. The Jacky Pod removed the hapless hopper to safer lodgings, but told the kids he'd prepared it for snack.
INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE'S DAD
Reva's father has been very concerned about her health and blames us for her croupy cough. I was informed that "the sun is not good for any children, it makes them sickly", "getting your hands wet makes you sickly", and "if she continues to have sickliness, I will remove her from this place".
I politely refrained from informing him that his daughter is probably still "sickly" and coughing because he refuses to take her to a n allergist and lives next to the freeway. Meanwhile, we are to escort Reva and her 7 layers of clothing out of the sun whenever she experiences a moment of joy there, lest she encounter a stray beam of light and turn to ashes.
WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS
At first, it looked like Georgia would take home the gold for her backflip off of the toy firetruck, which knocked the wind out of her and caused her to suddenly fill her diaper. However, a mere 20 minutes later I witnessed Asa doing a triple gainer off of the slide that culminated with an ominous thud on the concrete. The concussion won hands-down.
HOW DO I LOATHE YOU ? LET ME COUNT THE WAYS...
Everyworkplace needs at least one competetive control-freak, but I've been too tired lately to fulfill my duties and turned the task over to a more qualified person. Pod Director Li Li declared war on me this week by arguing with anything I said (even if it wasn't being said to her), micro-managing how I organized the supposedly "flex" hour of activites, and telling Pod Boss Ricky I don't know anything about autism because and Asperger Mac will "grow out of this phase just like Geneva did". Sadly, Geneva didn't and Mac won't, but I won't tell her if you don't...
OFF-TOPIC GOSSIP
* Shannon got a teaching position at the Autism Academy, a teeny tiny school up in Northridge with- wait for it- a sensory room ALL the kids can use. All 8 of them. Congratulations, Shannon, and please send Rafael a picture of your behind so he'll stop asking me about it.
* A great miracle occured last weekend: my mother finally returned my phone call (Apparently, she's just been real busy for the past 12 years).
An even greater miracle that rivals the Virgin Birth: we both remained civil for the entire phone call.
* Barb finally broke down and considered purchasing bookshelves for our slovenly living room. In 6 more months, they might actually be assembled and full of her junk...
* I actually understood every chapter of my math homework this week. Perhaps I should have put this up in the "miracle" section...
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 1:04 PM
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