The Lowdown From Potty Town

I HEARD THE OCEAN WHEN I HELD LINDA'S VACANT HEAD UP TO MY EAR
Tuesday was our staff meeting. We were alotted 1 hour for the meeting, and spent 33 minutes of it (yes, I was watching the clock the whole time, and don't pretend like you've never done it) in one of those "say something nice about the person on your left" exercises that tests your ability to lie convincingly.

Unfortunately, Yomama was the person on my right, and is not someone prone to sharing touchy-feely moments with her coworkers. Because I dislike having my every move commented on by a bitter old hag, Yomama and I are not exactly bosom buddies and each day we studiously avoid each other's gaze while sulking over What She Said. Amazingly, she managed to fake sincerity and complimented me on traits that I obviously have never possessed (but that she wished I did). The person she described closely resembled Kary, who was wisely absent from the love-fest and missed out on getting her seashell.
Yes, I said seashell. Liza felt that if she gave us all our very own seashell, which, by the way, are formed from the inside out, we would remember to appreciate the "uniqueness" of each child. I was consumed by the "unique" nausea that occurs when a natural cynic such as myself is subjected to touchy-feely encounter sessions that conveniently take up all the time originally alotted to "staff concerns". We were given a generous 3 minutes for seven employees to voice any serious concerns, but Penny hogged the time with a lecture on the gifts of the Spirit and why we need to love each other more, so I guess Waffle's child-abuse report won't get sent any time soon...

NO HOPPERS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS E-MAIL
And none were harmed by my wee ones this week, either. That's because none were around, which I suspect was a result of the rat poison Ricky dumped unceremoniously all over the yard while the kids swarmed around her.

WHAT AIDEN SCREAMED AT THIS WEEK
Adrien, who absolutely does not have autism, uh uh, no way, was agitated by the following challenges this week:
* having to share anything, ever
* the presence of someone else's urine in the toilet
* rice, which he flicked all over the carpeting and my leg
* my impersonation of his sonic shriek
* the sun passing behind a cloud (oops- that was Richard last summer at camp)

THE TIRE TREAD DOWN THE BACK REALLY PULLS THE OUTFIT TOGETHER
Ricky's SUV is no longer covered in lemons. Now the kids toss each other's shoes and hideous uniforms (weird smocks made by Yomama before her cataract surgery) over the wall instead. Ricky somehow missed both an aqua smock and Banjo's left shoe sitting on her roof before she drove off, which cracked up the kids watching her departure from the slide. Shanana spotted the offending items as they blew off and sent her least-favorite student into the speed-trap alley to retrieve them.

BITS AND PIECES:
- Scabbie arrived Monday in Sprockets pants, but touched no one's monkey.
- Four new toddlers are starting in our group next week- all on the same day. What was that about showing more love to your coworkers, Penny ?
- If you feed a child a carrot piece cut into a cutesy star shape, it comes out the other end still shaped like a star. This is also true of corn in any shape, and spinach leaves.
- Grasshoppers don't eat the weird Astro-turf under our climber, but Antony does.
- Every pre-schooler here is certain that crayon wrappers cause cancer and need to be removed immediately. This gives our carpeting a lovely confetti-like effect that a couple of parents are convinced is a part of the flooring itself.
- The Joy in Joy's Takai Luck Pre-School is deceased, and her equally inanimate husband is reputed to be benignly haunting us. Penny never changed the name of the school because Penny's Pre-School sounds lame, even to her.