A Day In The Life
If you've never had the joy of working in a pre-school, here's what you've been missing :
9:00 ARRIVAL
- Listen to Waffle's stories about her niece born with organs on the outside of her body, her uncle's gorey suicide, and pedophile brother-in-law.
- Wonder if co-teacher Kary will show up today
- Chase Scabbie and take Lizardbella's hair scrunchie away from her
- Chase Lizardbella and take Scabbie's headband away from her
9:30 SNACK
- Attempt to wrestle highly unattractive smocks onto unwilling students (the colors determine which group the kids will attempt to sneak away from all day)
- Watch Adrien flick yogurt all over carpeting and my shoes
- Hose down area and rescue storybooks from Conroy, aka The Ripper
10:00 DRAMATIC PLAY
- Referee fight over the plastic taco
- Rustle herd of resisting children into bathroom and check diapers for nuclear waste
10:30 FILL THIS HOUR WITH RANDOM ACTIVITIES
- Attempt art activity involving substances that are easily spilled but not easily cleaned up
- Sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" for the 10,000 time, then give up on trying to hear myself over the din of 50 kids and set Blue Group loose on the unsuspecting insect population outside
- Listen to Adrien scream because a leaf fell to the ground without his permission
- Detach Travis's fangs from his latest vicitim
- Rescue Banjo from other kids who are beating him with toys for no particular reason
11:30 LUNCH
- Sling gourmet hash at ungrateful kids who wanted Spaghettios
- Endure smarmy song "Peace Time", sung to the tune of "Feelings" (yes, the same "whoa oh oh, feelings" song we all know and loathe from the 70's)
- Rub backs, tummies, and future bald spots in hopes that kids will fall asleep before we do
- Watch JC struggle for air after Li Li collapses onto him due to sleep-deprivation
- Threaten Banjo with a visit from Li Li if he doesn't stop shrieking and waking everyone up
1:00 MY LUNCH
- Mine consists of Spaghettios and a good book, until Ricky or Waffle arrive
- Speculate as to origin of terrible smell in staff room as Waffle yammers on about do you think I should attend my pedophile brother-in-law's daughter's wedding and what would you do and why are you always reading some book you can do that at home and don't you just love that turquoise is making a comeback in clothing this year and do you think this coral lipstick will go with all the turquoise stuff I'm gonna buy but then return and complain about for 2 weeks and...
2:00 RETURN FROM PERSONAL HELL
- Attempt to capture Shane (who looks like O.J. Simpson and is about as engaging) before he gets outside and leaves a poop trail on the concrete
- Remove Reva from sun so her dad won't accuse us again of making her "sickly"
- Spend 15 minutes trying to locate Banjo's other sock - Remove Reva from sun again
- Spend another 10 minutes seeking Jazjit's jacket, which will eventually be found in the alley next to Banjo's sock, Arfer's shoes, and Trina's smock
- Put Banjo's shoes back on (he removes them approximately 20 times per hour)
- Chase Travis and Santiago away from tormented grasshopper
- Remove Reva from sun again and put Banjo's shoes back on
3:00 ATTEMPT OUTDOOR ACTIVITY WITH 1 AIDE AND 32 CHILDREN
3:05 GIVE UP ON ACTIVITY AND SUPERVISE RESULTING MELEE
- Listen to Lil Li lecture me on my laziness and wonder why she's here at 4 everyday when I know damn well she's off at 3.
- Pour a thousand Dixie cups of water because Penny broke the drinking fountain on purpose so the kids wouldn't play in it anymore
- Witness Rudra tossing Scabbie's headband over the wall
- Again, Reva/Banjo
- Pick confused bee off of Micha's back before she notices and panics
4:30 SNACK
- Overhear Jacky refusing to give the kids a beverage with their salty pretzels
- Pour umpteen watery apple juices and catch Evan pouring his all over the table
- Call Shanana "Shannon" all afternoon and wonder why she doesn't answer
- Retrieve Banjo's shoe from trash can
5:00 IGNORE SCHEDULE AND SEND KIDS BACK OUTSIDE
- Yell at Antony to remove Graciella's diaper from his head
- Ask Shanana to put Banjo's shoes back on and remove Reva from fading sunlight
- Shatter parents' hopes that their child is an angelic being incapable of wrongdoing
- Check clock again for the hundreth time in 5 minutes
5:30 SEND KIDS INSIDE TO MESS UP WAFFA'S AREA
- End violent argument over dry-erase markers and identify Kristoph as a potential sociopath
- Find plastic taco hidden in Banjo's cubby, but can't find his shoes
- Disagree with Penny's latest racist comment about "hispanic" women (Li Li in particular)
6:05 SHOULD HAVE BEEN GONE 5 MINUTES AGO
- Announce to Reva's dad that he owes us another late fee and snicker as he accuses Ricky of setting the clock ahead
- Depart before anyone comes back to look for their child's lunchbox
9:00 ARRIVAL
- Listen to Waffle's stories about her niece born with organs on the outside of her body, her uncle's gorey suicide, and pedophile brother-in-law.
- Wonder if co-teacher Kary will show up today
- Chase Scabbie and take Lizardbella's hair scrunchie away from her
- Chase Lizardbella and take Scabbie's headband away from her
9:30 SNACK
- Attempt to wrestle highly unattractive smocks onto unwilling students (the colors determine which group the kids will attempt to sneak away from all day)
- Watch Adrien flick yogurt all over carpeting and my shoes
- Hose down area and rescue storybooks from Conroy, aka The Ripper
10:00 DRAMATIC PLAY
- Referee fight over the plastic taco
- Rustle herd of resisting children into bathroom and check diapers for nuclear waste
10:30 FILL THIS HOUR WITH RANDOM ACTIVITIES
- Attempt art activity involving substances that are easily spilled but not easily cleaned up
- Sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" for the 10,000 time, then give up on trying to hear myself over the din of 50 kids and set Blue Group loose on the unsuspecting insect population outside
- Listen to Adrien scream because a leaf fell to the ground without his permission
- Detach Travis's fangs from his latest vicitim
- Rescue Banjo from other kids who are beating him with toys for no particular reason
11:30 LUNCH
- Sling gourmet hash at ungrateful kids who wanted Spaghettios
- Endure smarmy song "Peace Time", sung to the tune of "Feelings" (yes, the same "whoa oh oh, feelings" song we all know and loathe from the 70's)
- Rub backs, tummies, and future bald spots in hopes that kids will fall asleep before we do
- Watch JC struggle for air after Li Li collapses onto him due to sleep-deprivation
- Threaten Banjo with a visit from Li Li if he doesn't stop shrieking and waking everyone up
1:00 MY LUNCH
- Mine consists of Spaghettios and a good book, until Ricky or Waffle arrive
- Speculate as to origin of terrible smell in staff room as Waffle yammers on about do you think I should attend my pedophile brother-in-law's daughter's wedding and what would you do and why are you always reading some book you can do that at home and don't you just love that turquoise is making a comeback in clothing this year and do you think this coral lipstick will go with all the turquoise stuff I'm gonna buy but then return and complain about for 2 weeks and...
2:00 RETURN FROM PERSONAL HELL
- Attempt to capture Shane (who looks like O.J. Simpson and is about as engaging) before he gets outside and leaves a poop trail on the concrete
- Remove Reva from sun so her dad won't accuse us again of making her "sickly"
- Spend 15 minutes trying to locate Banjo's other sock - Remove Reva from sun again
- Spend another 10 minutes seeking Jazjit's jacket, which will eventually be found in the alley next to Banjo's sock, Arfer's shoes, and Trina's smock
- Put Banjo's shoes back on (he removes them approximately 20 times per hour)
- Chase Travis and Santiago away from tormented grasshopper
- Remove Reva from sun again and put Banjo's shoes back on
3:00 ATTEMPT OUTDOOR ACTIVITY WITH 1 AIDE AND 32 CHILDREN
3:05 GIVE UP ON ACTIVITY AND SUPERVISE RESULTING MELEE
- Listen to Lil Li lecture me on my laziness and wonder why she's here at 4 everyday when I know damn well she's off at 3.
- Pour a thousand Dixie cups of water because Penny broke the drinking fountain on purpose so the kids wouldn't play in it anymore
- Witness Rudra tossing Scabbie's headband over the wall
- Again, Reva/Banjo
- Pick confused bee off of Micha's back before she notices and panics
4:30 SNACK
- Overhear Jacky refusing to give the kids a beverage with their salty pretzels
- Pour umpteen watery apple juices and catch Evan pouring his all over the table
- Call Shanana "Shannon" all afternoon and wonder why she doesn't answer
- Retrieve Banjo's shoe from trash can
5:00 IGNORE SCHEDULE AND SEND KIDS BACK OUTSIDE
- Yell at Antony to remove Graciella's diaper from his head
- Ask Shanana to put Banjo's shoes back on and remove Reva from fading sunlight
- Shatter parents' hopes that their child is an angelic being incapable of wrongdoing
- Check clock again for the hundreth time in 5 minutes
5:30 SEND KIDS INSIDE TO MESS UP WAFFA'S AREA
- End violent argument over dry-erase markers and identify Kristoph as a potential sociopath
- Find plastic taco hidden in Banjo's cubby, but can't find his shoes
- Disagree with Penny's latest racist comment about "hispanic" women (Li Li in particular)
6:05 SHOULD HAVE BEEN GONE 5 MINUTES AGO
- Announce to Reva's dad that he owes us another late fee and snicker as he accuses Ricky of setting the clock ahead
- Depart before anyone comes back to look for their child's lunchbox
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 12:07 PM
2 Comments:
You make it sound such fun! Such a long day. You must have the patience of a saint.
Cheers
Hello, fellow sufferer !
Your blogs are intelligent and fun- thanks for checking mine out, by the way.
Tahanet
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