There's Something About Gill

I dedicate this week's report to Gill, who's been pestering people all week for access to our lovely little newsletter. To honor his enthusiasm, this issue is all Gill, all the time- just like he thinks it always is...

OBLIVIOUS SUPERVISORS WORLD TOUR 2007
When Bald warned all the staff to behave themselves during last Friday's tour, he apparently was targeting the wrong demographic. Dana slipped under his radar long enough to flash her newly sprouted breasts at Angelina and the Interchangable Guy In A Suit she was showing around. When Gill lewdly remarked about Angelina being lucky enough to see some new tit, Cholie took offense and punched him so hard in the gut that he actually puked up some acid.

SPEAKING OF THAT...
Centennia expressed her opinion of the bake sale brownies by spewing hers all over the floor, getting some on Gill's pants. I think Lee's response sums it up best: "Please don't tell too many people about that- something tells me it wouldn't be good for sales."

AND SPEAKING AGAIN OF HITTING GILBERT, AKA: EMPLOYEE DEATHMATCH !
Not content with having his stomach pumped by Cholie, Gill threw down in the staffroom with...Bryon ? I know, I can't believe it either- Bryon would never risk mussing his hair or losing one of his sparkly earrings. But apparently things got uglier (than usual)- Charo, our Lord and Savior, got into the fray and flapped his scrawny chicken wings at Gill, while G. tried to puff his pasty chest at Vance. Later, in our classroom, I overheard Cheeser declare to Charo: "What, Gill ? He's a maricon."

WHAT DILL- OOPS, I MEANT GILL- MISSED ON TODAY'S CBI:
- Melinda crippling herself by walking coochie-first into a railing
- Lee being reprimanded by a worker drone in McDonalds for photographing a student in front of the logo.
- Mitchell leaving a fragrant offering in the ultra-chic steak house restroom.
- The crotchety security guard at the food court threatening to kick us out if
Melinda didn't stop that infernal trumpeting noise that we all adore.
- Lee trying to catch Lanie in a photo and instead catching me as I gave Oliver the finger
- Crust reviewing his very stimulating ride on the Orange Line- 3 thumbs up !

FUN WAS HAD BY ALL
In P.J.'s class this week, because he wasn't there to stifle it. My favorite informer commented to me that "He's mean and never does anything", which Camron amended to "A right mean little bastard !" A few other employees added the words "tyrant", "hypocrite" and "petty dictator". Hurry back, P.J., you are missed... no Gills were harmed in the making of this news item.

HOW HE EARNED THIS SPECIAL RECOGNITION
Gill made a point to give Asa and Lanie roses in front of me on Valentine's Day, and blew off my irritation at being obviously excluded with this remark: "I didn't think about it." Even wishy-washy Igor declared "That was shitty. I didn't like that."
Which explains my impish glee in typing the following...

HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES !
Just five minutes ago, Raymundo socked Gill in his miniscule nutsack and made him throw up. Good times !

CORRECTIONS: Last week I wrote that Oliver was a psych major, which he now denies ever telling me. However, he did not deny being a major psycho. Just like Gill...

Enjoy your Gill-free weekend !