Tard Blog's Got Nothin' On Us...
I read excerpts from Tard Blog today, and I'm suprised at the things that teacher could send kids to the office for. So some kid told her red frosting looks like abortion- most of the staff here would have beat him to it and added gruesome descriptions of the 7 they've had (or secretly performed to supplement their meager incomes). And really, is that worth getting that upset over ? Couldn't she have found some way to secretly torment him without disturbing the principal's nap time ?
Another Day In Our Lives:
1. Yarnhell points at his penis 17 times before the opening circle begins.
2. Teacher begins opening circle. Amy pisses on her chair, which of course drips all over the floor. While I'm off searching for a mop that doesn't smell like decaying flesh, Yarnhell attempts to insert his penis in Agga's mouth. Agga laughs. I wish she had reflexively bit down.
3. Music Time ! Yippee ! Agga cries because we go down a different hallway from the one she's used to, clawing my neck and arm all the way there. Once we arrive, we are treated to saccharine-sweet songs at 1/3rd their normal speed. As the staffs' eyes glaze over, Yarnhell shows the elderly music teacher his penis.
4. On the way back to class, I glance in Quiet Area and note Ray looking serenely out the double-reinforced QA window while Dan is screeching and jumping around behind him. More glazed eyeballs- this time they belong to our behavioral interventionist, who's been in QA for 3 hours without a break, and without any ventilation to offset that steeped pee smell courtesy of QA's many unhappy visitors.
5. Yarnhell shows Ray his penis. Ray fails to look impressed.
6. On the playground, T-Rex pulls hair out of Eric The Red's scalp, then stands on top of the climber howling in triumph. T-Rex is always trying to get to The Red's hair, because it is cut (and I use that word hesitantly)in an extremely unflattering Buster Brown. Somehow, this offends T-Rex even more than it does me, and she tries to give him a more gender-appropriate hairstyle at least twice a week.
7. Lunch time commences with Squishme flinging her mystery meat across the room. It lands mustard-side down on Snot's shirt. He was dressed nicely for a job interview after work. Amy peels off the meat and eats it. When Yarnhell shows Snot his penis, Snot threatens to kick him in the crotch.
8. Latoya asks Jan why she's been sobbing into her cookies for the past 10 minutes. Jan replies "It doesn't matter." The teacher mentions that Jan is on meds for her crying jags. I look over at Jan's lunch and see a Zagnut bar, Oreos, and a bag of Cheetos. No protein, no fruit. Nada. Zip. I'd be crying too from the blood-sugar drops she must be regularly having. What a suprise to hear that the meds don't seem to be working.
9. In the bathroom, Agga wipes slobber in my hair while I attempt to diaper a run-away T-Rex.
10. We make cookies. Having only eaten 3 gi-normous ones, T-Rex decides she needs more calories and swipes my cookie out of my hand as I bite into it. Yarnhell scratches 3 people, and then shows the vice-principal his penis when she stops by for a cookie. No cookie for Yarnhell, but much hilarity ensues over the VP being a lesbian and even less impressed than Ray was.
11. At the bus/cab ramp, T-Rex suddenly peels out to the left while Squishme darts to the right. Unfortunately, both are still grasping my arms and I let out a shriek so loud that several cabs slam on their brakes to see what happened. Yarnhell's bus cruises by- he is standing up, pressing his penis against the window.
Another Day In Our Lives:
1. Yarnhell points at his penis 17 times before the opening circle begins.
2. Teacher begins opening circle. Amy pisses on her chair, which of course drips all over the floor. While I'm off searching for a mop that doesn't smell like decaying flesh, Yarnhell attempts to insert his penis in Agga's mouth. Agga laughs. I wish she had reflexively bit down.
3. Music Time ! Yippee ! Agga cries because we go down a different hallway from the one she's used to, clawing my neck and arm all the way there. Once we arrive, we are treated to saccharine-sweet songs at 1/3rd their normal speed. As the staffs' eyes glaze over, Yarnhell shows the elderly music teacher his penis.
4. On the way back to class, I glance in Quiet Area and note Ray looking serenely out the double-reinforced QA window while Dan is screeching and jumping around behind him. More glazed eyeballs- this time they belong to our behavioral interventionist, who's been in QA for 3 hours without a break, and without any ventilation to offset that steeped pee smell courtesy of QA's many unhappy visitors.
5. Yarnhell shows Ray his penis. Ray fails to look impressed.
6. On the playground, T-Rex pulls hair out of Eric The Red's scalp, then stands on top of the climber howling in triumph. T-Rex is always trying to get to The Red's hair, because it is cut (and I use that word hesitantly)in an extremely unflattering Buster Brown. Somehow, this offends T-Rex even more than it does me, and she tries to give him a more gender-appropriate hairstyle at least twice a week.
7. Lunch time commences with Squishme flinging her mystery meat across the room. It lands mustard-side down on Snot's shirt. He was dressed nicely for a job interview after work. Amy peels off the meat and eats it. When Yarnhell shows Snot his penis, Snot threatens to kick him in the crotch.
8. Latoya asks Jan why she's been sobbing into her cookies for the past 10 minutes. Jan replies "It doesn't matter." The teacher mentions that Jan is on meds for her crying jags. I look over at Jan's lunch and see a Zagnut bar, Oreos, and a bag of Cheetos. No protein, no fruit. Nada. Zip. I'd be crying too from the blood-sugar drops she must be regularly having. What a suprise to hear that the meds don't seem to be working.
9. In the bathroom, Agga wipes slobber in my hair while I attempt to diaper a run-away T-Rex.
10. We make cookies. Having only eaten 3 gi-normous ones, T-Rex decides she needs more calories and swipes my cookie out of my hand as I bite into it. Yarnhell scratches 3 people, and then shows the vice-principal his penis when she stops by for a cookie. No cookie for Yarnhell, but much hilarity ensues over the VP being a lesbian and even less impressed than Ray was.
11. At the bus/cab ramp, T-Rex suddenly peels out to the left while Squishme darts to the right. Unfortunately, both are still grasping my arms and I let out a shriek so loud that several cabs slam on their brakes to see what happened. Yarnhell's bus cruises by- he is standing up, pressing his penis against the window.
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 4:12 PM
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