Life In Hell
To Do:
- Clock in and welcome kids back for another school year.
- Go to bus ramp to collect the little darlings. Get bit 3 times by T-Rex on the way into the building.
- Meet new teacher and make note of stricken look on her face.
- Try to corral kids while new teacher does her "deer in the headlights" routine.
- Toilet 2 kids. Leave my kids in the bathroom and chase a third child who escaped from the room. Pass a co-worker chasing a 4th child from our class in the other direction.
- Rub throbbing temples while teacher stands shell-shocked in center of room and tries not to cry.
- Advise teacher that if she wants kids to calm down, she should lead an activity and tell them what their schedule is.
- Lead an activity because teacher still hasn't moved. attempt to pry the apparently top-secret schedule from her pursed lips. No success.
- Ask teacher if she's ever worked with this type of class before ("No."-now there's a shocker) and suggest implementing some sort of leadership.
- Become the only form of leadership we're going to see all day in order to keep Latoya from choking Yarnhell, who is licking her arm.
- Hand anti-bacterial wipes to Latoya.
- Hand more wipes to Snot, who is picking up the slobbery playdough blob that fell out of T-Rex's mouth.
- Inform teacher that Brain has no lunch. Suggest that she find parent's phone number and ask them to bring something for him.
- Find number for teacher and redirect her to get T-Rex off of the playdough table. Hand teacher the number and watch her stare at it, then suggest she make the call herself.
- Sneak out for a "mental health moment". Pass Bald in hallway, who is taking bets on which new teacher will quit first.
- Pass the classroom next to ours and witness another new teacher sobbing at her desk as Tracy repeatedly kicks her.
- Remind our new teacher to call Brain's mother, because he is stealing food from Ween, causing Ween to flip it and scratch T-Rex, who then bites me.
- Attempt to eat my own lunch, frequently moving my bowl to evade Squishme's boogery finger.
- Throw away my lunch after Agga sneezes all over it.
- Hand more wipes to Latoya. Both of her arms are wet now.
- Coordinate lunch breaks for aides since teacher is oblivious to anything but her own panic.
- Notice for the first time that Hex has been chewing plastic garbage bags in the corner all day.
- Comfort distressed aide who whipped off Agga's diaper without checking inside first and is now wearing the contents on his new pants. Talk him out of quitting before the end of the day.
- Hand still more wipes to Latoya. Yarnhell has progressed to her neck.
- Consider inserting a sponge in Yarnhell's mouth because Latoya's shirt is so wet that I can see her prison tattoos through the fabric.
- Carefully remove T-rex's diaper, congratulating myself for checking inside first. T-Rex runs away, leaving me holding her diaper and a trail of poops on the hallway carpet.
- Gather poops while co-workers from the classroom next door laugh hysterically.
- Take kids to buses.
- Find out all the kids are assigned to wrong buses.
- Endure attitude from bus supervisor while Squishme stomps on my foot repeatedly.
- Gripe with equally annoyed co-workers about the new teachers.
- Clock out.
- Clock in and welcome kids back for another school year.
- Go to bus ramp to collect the little darlings. Get bit 3 times by T-Rex on the way into the building.
- Meet new teacher and make note of stricken look on her face.
- Try to corral kids while new teacher does her "deer in the headlights" routine.
- Toilet 2 kids. Leave my kids in the bathroom and chase a third child who escaped from the room. Pass a co-worker chasing a 4th child from our class in the other direction.
- Rub throbbing temples while teacher stands shell-shocked in center of room and tries not to cry.
- Advise teacher that if she wants kids to calm down, she should lead an activity and tell them what their schedule is.
- Lead an activity because teacher still hasn't moved. attempt to pry the apparently top-secret schedule from her pursed lips. No success.
- Ask teacher if she's ever worked with this type of class before ("No."-now there's a shocker) and suggest implementing some sort of leadership.
- Become the only form of leadership we're going to see all day in order to keep Latoya from choking Yarnhell, who is licking her arm.
- Hand anti-bacterial wipes to Latoya.
- Hand more wipes to Snot, who is picking up the slobbery playdough blob that fell out of T-Rex's mouth.
- Inform teacher that Brain has no lunch. Suggest that she find parent's phone number and ask them to bring something for him.
- Find number for teacher and redirect her to get T-Rex off of the playdough table. Hand teacher the number and watch her stare at it, then suggest she make the call herself.
- Sneak out for a "mental health moment". Pass Bald in hallway, who is taking bets on which new teacher will quit first.
- Pass the classroom next to ours and witness another new teacher sobbing at her desk as Tracy repeatedly kicks her.
- Remind our new teacher to call Brain's mother, because he is stealing food from Ween, causing Ween to flip it and scratch T-Rex, who then bites me.
- Attempt to eat my own lunch, frequently moving my bowl to evade Squishme's boogery finger.
- Throw away my lunch after Agga sneezes all over it.
- Hand more wipes to Latoya. Both of her arms are wet now.
- Coordinate lunch breaks for aides since teacher is oblivious to anything but her own panic.
- Notice for the first time that Hex has been chewing plastic garbage bags in the corner all day.
- Comfort distressed aide who whipped off Agga's diaper without checking inside first and is now wearing the contents on his new pants. Talk him out of quitting before the end of the day.
- Hand still more wipes to Latoya. Yarnhell has progressed to her neck.
- Consider inserting a sponge in Yarnhell's mouth because Latoya's shirt is so wet that I can see her prison tattoos through the fabric.
- Carefully remove T-rex's diaper, congratulating myself for checking inside first. T-Rex runs away, leaving me holding her diaper and a trail of poops on the hallway carpet.
- Gather poops while co-workers from the classroom next door laugh hysterically.
- Take kids to buses.
- Find out all the kids are assigned to wrong buses.
- Endure attitude from bus supervisor while Squishme stomps on my foot repeatedly.
- Gripe with equally annoyed co-workers about the new teachers.
- Clock out.
posted by Fredrika Krueger at 3:24 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home